On Monday night I received news that still keeps my head reeling. The husband of a friend of ours, passed away in his sleep due to a heart attack. They were married for 5 months.  I looked to my own life and started to wonder. My husband was in Nigeria for work last week. He, not being at home made it the toughest week for me in years. I complained about the fact that I couldn’t have him with me.  Tragedy striking somewhere else put my sadness into perspective. Everything I complained about the week that passed seemed insignificant. My husband still came home. My husband is still alive. This tragedy made me realise that sometimes we are more fortunate than others. Throughout the day I started to question what made us so special and privileged that we are still together and still have each other. Waking up every the morning with a certain sense of certainty and peace in our hearts to be able to say things like: “have a nice day” and “see you tonight”. Being able to make plans for the future and believe fully that we will see each other again. The devastation of realising that it might not work out that way is scary.

 How do you reconcile someone else’s tragedy with your bliss? It is in these moments of intense sadness that makes me acutely aware of how uncomfortable I personally get with God. How many times I have personally struggled with Him because of the choices He made regarding life and death. These choices do not translate on a human level.

When one looks at life, one looks at it in a form of balance. When a couple is newly wed, one assumes they would have a long loving life together because of the romance and the beauty that can be seen in that relationship between them. When a baby is born, one sees the life extended out before this new person.  One gets excited to think that this child will grow up to become someone, have dreams and maybe even have children of their own someday.  In those moments of extreme joy and connection, one never thinks something could happen that could be conceived as a tragedy.

The friend that passed away started out as a theology student and later moved over to philosophy. The few times we actually had the privilege to spend together, we would argue about God and debate about if there really is a God?

 On his passing, I sit here and wonder. If I were the one to sit with his wife and try to console her, try to bring her peace or try to show her a glimpse of God, how would I do that? What words would I use to tell her that God does indeed exist and that He does love her? Everything she perceived and experienced as the ultimate form of love has just been ripped away from her only 5 months after the realisation of her dream.

 I sit here humanly head hung low to admit that I don’t have the words for that. I don’t know what to say. I do know that God is there and that He does care. Even though at this time He seems vindictive, He is not and He is aware of her sadness. I do pray that those who know her and journeys with God will step in and keep on loving, so she can see that in the ashes of her pain and loss that God is a God of relationship and love. That within this sadness, God will shine through and even though she has lost the person she calls the love of her life, there is so much more to life than just this moment of loss. I do pray that she will be able to move on and be able to find peace. I do pray that God will step into her life, heal this brokenness and bring her a deeper peace and a deeper love than she has ever experienced.

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