When are we allowed to say, “No”?

By: Karien Pitout

Being raised as a Christian one is taught to take the higher road, be the lesser one and be the humble one. To be the one that steps in first to say sorry and the one that tries to restore relationships. The question arises then, when does a Christian stop?  When does one say,” No”? When is enough, enough?

 It has been a difficult task to figure out if one is even allowed to say, “No”. God states that one needs to forgive ones neighbour 7 times 70. This makes things difficult. Should you just keep on forgiving even if it is harmful towards yourself? Pondering on this, the passage of love yourself comes to mind.” Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and your entire mind. As well as, love your neighbour as you love yourself”. Then the key must lie in how much one loves oneself.

 Is a person allowed to protect themselves against those who don’t care about them and abuse them? The answer is yes! You are allowed to love yourself enough to say, “No”. You are allowed to love yourself enough to say “enough is enough”. The problem with being raised within the Christian doctrine is that it becomes difficult to say, “No”. One is taught that one is sinful and guilty. One keeps on asking oneself, when do I stop being guilty and when do I start being human? The ironic thing is, we were all born human just as much as we were born in sin. As much as God loves each of us enough to have sent His only Son, as much must each of us love ourselves. We are allowed to say, “No”. We are allowed to say “enough is enough”. So when do we do it?

The moment one’s humanity is being challenged. The moment dignity as a human being is trampled into nothingness. That is when you say,” No”. The moment when the relationship you are in, emotionally breaks you down to your bear minimum and does not build you back up. That is when you say,”No”. When basing your life on hope, prayer and most of all to be known by love, the fear of saying “No” this one time, or saying, “enough is enough” this one time, might destroy that picture of you. It won’t, especially not in the eyes of God. Because He created you, He created you as a human being and He loves you. He wants you to have healthy uplifting relationships with everybody around you. When you say “No” it does not mean that you stopped loving or stopped caring for that person. When you say “No”, you realise you reached the point where you know that if you love yourself, you will not let this continue. It is not healthy for anyone.

The long and the short of it are; yes I am allowed to say “No” and “enough is enough”. As long as the intent is to restore relationship between me and God, between me and my fellow man and to admit that I am worthy enough to not have to live a life that is less than what I was created for.

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