I’ve been struggling with the concept of trying to verbalise what I’ve been experiencing as a pastor from traditional churches and the traditional church set up in trying to communicate to the traditional leaders what exactly it is that we do as a community. The most interesting response that I usually get is that they ask about answering to an institution. To whom do we report to and to who do we sit down at the end of the day and are held liable to?

 Well we are held liable by God and by the community members. We don’t have an institution that we specifically report to because as a community we are interdenominational and therefore need to consider all denominations’ understandings of certain theological points of view. As a community we don’t grapple, argue or reason with those points of view. Instead we journey together to a better understanding of who God is. An understanding of the dogmatic things and the theological perspective actually comes from the journey and as a community it starts to shape a better understanding and almost compassion and care for the different interpretations and the different theologies that exist within the different denominations.

The question is why do they react this way? Are they afraid? Do they believe they are superior to the community as is or do we actually believe that we are superior to them?

The fact is that we are not better than anyone else, we are different and I think that is where the problem comes in. It is not so much the denominational pastors or denominations believe that they are better than any other denomination or any other movement, they might just be a bit afraid though and it is understandably so. Once you are challenged with something different from the way you understand life and how you do things, the challenge comes in to try to step away from traditional understanding and move to a place where opening your heart for a “touched by God” moment.

We as a community would like to touch communities’ hearts and make a difference where we are and in fellow believers hearts no matter which denomination. Unfortunately that is being questioned because we don’t have a body that we report to. The biggest questions I grapple with in this whole situation is not so much hearing the complete switch off from pastors and reverends the moment that I give them the honest answer. It is seeing that they don’t want to listen and they just don’t want to hear. I have made myself guilty of such behaviour before and to those I’ve done that I sincerely apologise because to be on the receiving end opened my eyes to realise that not understanding what someone is doing does not make them wrong. Not fully grasping and not fully going through the journey that those people have gone through, no one can say that they are wrong or right, none of us can say, yes or no.

 I think the hardest thing to grapple with is the reaction that regardless of some ones education and their abilities, the moment you sound like you are not falling within their parameters, margins or box that they would want you to, anything that you say or believe will be disregarded and becomes null and void.

One of the most valuable life lessons I’ve learnt is; even though there are people out there saying things that I really don’t agree with and that I do believe is false and does not fit in my belief of the faith or spirit of being a Christian, I have found that there are so many moments that there are moments of truth, a sincere truth that can be found even in the most awkward of conversations and statements. Not everything a person says has to be a lie. In looking at the different denominations, if that was the case, there would be only one that was right and the rest should be wrong. That is not the way the body of Christ works. Otherwise everyone will be an eye.

We are the new weird kid on the block, but we know God has a plan and a dream for us and we dream with Him and we just want to participate. If it means to have a lot of degrading conversations with people who don’t want to hear us out, that is okay. Every no brings us closer to a yes. Every step we take in faith brings us closer to the visualisation of God’s kingdom on earth. So no, its not fear or superiority, it’s just the unknown.

Why do churches have the saying that, should you step out of line, we reserve the right to keep you on the right track? It is the responsibility given to communities, especially in the early church by Paul and if one looks at the Jewish tradition, even then people were held accountable for what they did. When we as human beings start exercising the right to hold people accountable we need to be very careful in how we do that and how we approach that, because it is so easy to alienate people.

I’m following a very interesting debate within the Dutch Reformed Church. The debate started about 6 to 7 years ago and it has just never stopped. This group of people believe that some of the professors no longer subscribe and underwrite the rules and regulations of the Dutch Reformed Church. To them being able to say that I believe that has become the principle of their faith. If I believe in Christ certain things just doesn’t matter, because Christ will be everything in relationship, trust and faith. We use the words “I believe in” so loosely and easily. The significance of that phrase only struck me after I read the book Jesus Creed by Scott McKnight. Understanding that when I say that I believe in God, those words actually means that I have a trusting and loving relationship with God. A relationship where I can say that I am knowledgeable of God.  So if I say that I believe in Jesus Christ, then I am implying that I am standing in a relationship with Christ. I stand in a full loving relationship of giving and taking. I trust God and He trusts me. When you look at my life you would see Him present. That is what it means to say I believe in.

The debate is about the virgin birth, the dying at the cross, the resurrections and the real existence of the devil. The thing is that these people are tearing each other apart in public so harshly that I can’t see the heart of God in their actions and through that I must question whether they actually believe in Christ. If they do believe in Christ, they would not argue about these things. There are indeed certain things we need to understand and believe to be true to identify Him as the Messiah, but to believe in Him as the saviour and what Christ came to do for humanity is all that matters. The virginity doesn’t matter.  The physical or spiritual resurrection, whatever that debate is about, it doesn’t matter. What matters is whether I am in a living, loving, caring and giving relationship with Christ.

There are a lot of people that might say that the fact that I don’t care about this is heresy and they are welcome to state that. My argument stands, if I acknowledge that certain things are true, those truths are just there to inform me about the faith I am involved with. I believe that my husband was raised in a family that really cared for him. I believe that I was raised in a family that really cared for me. I believe that my husband was raised in a community where he was informed about Christ. I believe that I was raised in a community where I was informed about Christ. Do I believe in my husband as a husband and a caring person, a person who loves me dearly and who will sit with me one day, if God bless us so much, at the old age home holding my hand and understanding me just by a look? I do believe in my husband. I believe in our relationship, our trust and our caring. Does it matter where he comes from? Does it matter what his household looks like? It informs the relationship, but it is definitely not the compass and it’s not the result of the relationship. We are not together because of his upbringing. I don’t love him because of his upbringing.  I love him because of who we are in our relationship and the intensity and what we feel.

Shouldn’t that be the prerequisite when we start dealing with Christ and when we start dealing with relationships? I don’t love Christ because He is of virgin birth. I don’t just love Christ because he died for my sins and rose. (I don’t love Christ out of fear for the devil) I love Christ because of so much more and because of the relationship I have with Him. It is about the connection and the identity I find in relationship with Him. Also the feeling that my soul cravings are been answered on a daily basis because I am in a relationship with Christ, those cravings that God has created in us, for us.

So when we hold each other accountable, what are we focusing on? Are we focusing on the believe that or the believe in. There is a crucial difference.

So, I have been struggling with this for quite a while and in the start of this post I want to be very clear about certain things about who I am, about my personal perspectives and my point of view. I personally have no issue what so ever with a persons’ sexual orientation. I do believe and support gay and lesbian relationships. I fully support it as long as it’s healthy and God honouring and built within the grace of God, as I would expect any heterosexual relationship to be. I also believe that someone’s sexual orientation does not qualify or disqualify them from a specific job. Its just part of who they are.

The thing that gets me at this point in time, and this is the part where I am frustrated with the gay and lesbian community, is the whole thing of being a pastor or preacher of a church. You study for 7 years knowing that the institution will not allow you to become a pastor if you are gay or lesbian. You do it knowingly and yet you stand there flabbergasted when you are to graduate and they deny you to work for their organisation because their rules. Whether those rules are right or wrong, are fair or unfair, those are the rules of that company .There was a student denied to become a preacher in the Dutch reformed church in December 2010 and now again there was a student refused to become a reverend in the Reformed church now in 2012. Here I stand flabbergasted, that they go to the news papers and make it a big thing of how bad the church is. But you know what, if you truly love God and you truly have a calling, you better grow up. It is time to realise that the same way Martin Luther and Calvin couldn’t change the system from the inside and realised they had to step outside the system and bring on change in that way. In that same way it is time for those guys to move on, step out of the system and change it in a different way.

There are so many people that do not believe that denominational, systematic and human integrated rules should be the basis of theology and should be the basis and premises on which leaders are chosen. We are so quick to keep on falling back to tradition and into this mould of where if I want to be recognised I need to do it a certain way. Catch a wake up!  Jesus actually never went through proper Rabbi training and neither did His disciples go through proper discipleship training. In actual fact He preached His gospel to them for three years left them saying: ”Go out and make people my disciples”. Making some one a disciple means you are teaching them to become independent and being able to minister. Jesus said that He is the way and the life and no one gets to the Father except through Him and yet there is this concept of, “as long as you are gay you are screwed”.

So I understand the frustration and the brokenness, but why do you fight on trying to change a system that does not want you? When God really wants you and God really called you? He just wants you to move in different ways. Your denomination is not going to be what is going to save you. The denomination that you are part of is not going to put you in a position where you are good enough. Only your relationship with God will do that. Be moved and start moving others, instead of running to the news papers and instead of complaining every time that the system shuts you down. Tradition is tradition; the churches have set up the rules in the way they want and in a manner that they feel comfortable. Whether it is right or wrong, that is how it is.

I cannot become and engineer and do and engineers work if I am not qualified for the work. This is the big difference between discrimination and foolishness. Discrimination is when someone is employed in a company and no where in the company rules it states that sexual orientation might be an issue, but someone gets fired for being gay. If you apply for a job and it specifies that they are looking for a person of specific race, it means they are looking for a specific person to fill a specific mould what they believe is representative of their company. That does not mean that they discriminate against me if I do not fit that mould. Foolishness is going to study for 7 years within structures of a company that you whole heartedly know will reject you at the end of the day. That is their game rules.

Now we run around and complain and cry foul, but do you know what this fight does to the body of Christ? You are so concerned with “poor me”, “how I’ve been rejected”, you forget one very big important thing. Every single time that something negative is published about the church, no matter what the denomination, every single time people who belong to the church of Christ runs to the news papers to complain and make a negative impression about the body of Christ, you are not expanding the Kingdom of God. In actual fact you are breaking down the Kingdom of God. Churches who do not accept homosexual people have their place in the Kingdom of God. Churches who accept homosexuality as being a part of life have a place in the Kingdom of God. The ironic thing is that we allow that something like sexual orientation be the rule on how we live our lives, instead of it being another natural part of how life works.

I have so many gay friends to whom I’ve told so many times that I do not walk into a place and say “Hi, I am so-and-so and I am straight”. In the same way they don’t need to walk into a place and say “Hi, I am so-and-so and I am gay”.  Please understand that this is more of a call for a wakeup and a realisation that you can only be a victim when you did not make the choice to put yourself into harms way. You chose to study through an institution and for an institution that does not allow active gay and lesbian members to become pastors. That is a fact. You are not a victim because of that. If you are a victim because of that you yourself have decided to be a victim for 7 years and I cannot feel sorry for you or be sorry about what happens. We do serve a God of consequence as well as love. Yet, we only focus on the love part and then in surprise ask why when consequence strike. The thing is God has always moved people. The moment people decide that their institutional man made rules are more important than His love and who He is, He moves people to go beyond that and challenge that and move outside of that to show and build out His kingdom.

Now you sit and wallow in self pity, go all up in arms and tell the whole world how horrible the church is. Just remember when you jump up and down and tell everybody how horrible the church is, the church is representative of God. Whether you currently agree with the representation or not, there are different ways of doing things.

I am sorry for the two students and many others who are not allowed to become pastors in their churches that they grew up in and the denominations that they feel a part of. I am sorry that you feel you are not allowed to live out what you believe is your dream, but God has called you to stand in ministry. I don’t believe that God has ever called someone to stand within a very specific denomination only. He calls us to ministry to stand with our feet squarely within the Kingdom of God and whether that means being part of the denominations or being in between all the denominations and finding the truth on the other side of the coin. We have a calling and that is what counts.

If more and more people actually stood up and decided not to take the negative route but to be positive and start something to get a basis for people who do not believe in the denominational manmade structure, maybe then the change will come.

When I ranted about this and asked why the universities or seminaries aren’t doing something about homosexual students not being allowed to become pastors, I was called to have moved back to segregation and back the apartheids era, and that is really not what I mean. I for one would have loved to have studied where my theology was not informed by my denomination but by the science and about biblical understanding and about truly journeying with God. I would have loved to study the seminary where at the end of the day it doesn’t matter whether you do a BA or a bTh, whether you are gay or straight, black or white. It doesn’t matter as long as you live out your calling and you are being guided to teach others to become disciples. That is where I would have loved to study, but unfortunately in South Africa our choices are limited. Maybe that is your calling, unfortunately that is not my calling to start a university like that or a seminary, I would have loved to. Its not about segregation, it’s actually about unification. You can only start unifying a bunch of systems if you step outside and look at them from the outside and find the pieces that match. 

Seeing as it is Valentines Day this week, I started thinking how this whole Valentines Day- idea came to pass. Valentines Day wasn’t always this commercial facade it is now. It wasn’t always a day where you have to give a sign of your love to the person you care for, are involved with or admire from a distance.

Valentines Day actually celebrates one of the saddest events in history. It celebrates a martyr who died for the sake of love and the holiness and sanctification of marriages. At the risk of sounding like a fundamentalist, I can’t help but ask how today’s Valentines Day compares to the need there was at a time for someone to die for the sake of people to be able to get married. This is where my mind wanders and i want to direct a call to the homosexual community, please listen carefully, why not have a pride parade on Valentines Day? That would authentically be what Valentines Day is about. Taking the step against the laws to marry people, who want to and should be together. If society wants to make such a big issue about homosexuality, that they see as a threat and all those ridiculous things they fight about, then maybe its time for the community that do not have an issue with same sex marriages, who believes God loves all and believes God is a God of relationships and therefore cannot really understand how God could condemn people in same sex relationships, to take a stand. Why don’t we take to the streets for a change and picket? Why don’t we claim a day like Valentines Day, take away the commercial and start fighting for the right for people to be in relationships.

This is a very sensitive topic and I know that I am overstepping certain boundaries, but at the end of the day the question comes to mind, why haven’t we done something like claimed these days? Why are the people who don’t mind, the people who believe that people should be allowed to love who they love, not vocal enough? Why are we not standing up for the rights of those who are being suppressed and mistreated by society? Why do we sit idly and quietly by and listen how they get torn apart, have their humanity stripped away from them and voice that we don’t agree to what they are doing to each other but we are not the people who step forward? Why do we let them fight their own battles.

 I asked, “What would Jesus do on Valentines Day?” and a part of my heart wishes Jesus was here being completely radical and would take to the streets... ahh wait He did that, He took to the streets, He shunned people in charge and the leaders and He organised this radical belief that all should be saved and all are equal in God’s eyes. Maybe Jesus would have organised a pride parade on Valentines Day. Just so that people can remember that Valentines Day is a day of love and that it was born out of the loss of someone who believed that the union of two people are far more important than the laws of a country. Maybe He would have handed out wooden hearts and one of His disciples would have handed out rainbow coloured paint.

This is not only a plight for the gay community or to stir the pot. It is trying to understand why I am allowed to celebrate Valentines Day with my husband and be happy and nobody frowns upon it and that my relationship with my husband is supported and not condemned. Where as, even though some of my closest friends have reached a point where they don’t care what society thinks and says about them, are still affected. Where they would for the sake of just being accepted, spend Valentines Day at home, hidden behind curtains and doors, trying to celebrate their love for each other.

Today’s blog is just a ramble of thoughts and excitement, yet it is also a rambling of a person who is trying to figure out how society can function the way it does. How it can say that same sex marriages is the enemy of the institution they call marriage, but in the same breath declare that it is okay to get divorced and it is okay that marriages of heterosexual people are in some cases more the ruin of some relationships and people’s relationship with God, than people in the homosexual community. Maybe this Valentines day it is time to catch a wakeup.